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Chapter 9 Living Situation


Who you live with and where you live will determine your success.

    1. The Fun
    2. Conflict Resolution
    3. Cleanliness
    4. Respect


Philip Andrew Sidney Bliss: “At one point I spent all of my money on beer, and just ate junk food occasionally. After a few weeks, I noticed my gums bleeding and some cuts I had were not healing. I gave myself scurvy!”


There were several choices facing me when I was submitting my college housing form in May of High School senior year: live in dorms on campus, live off campus with other students or stay at home. My parents lied to me saying they would get me my own place so I chose home. Although it was a lot cheaper than moving out, I don’t know if that was the best choice. At home I didn’t worry about money as much but because I did not live close enough to the school, I was at a severe disadvantage; especially because I had early morning classes, had to drive through traffic and I was not especially disciplined.


My first year was spent getting to the bus station early morning and then taking about an hour to get to my 8am class to fall asleep promptly as I sat down in class. This was a very poor return on investment as saving money on living expenses and then getting C’s in classes is a net looser.


My best semesters as far as grades were when I was living with my girlfriend ten minutes from school by bike. It was great except when the relation ship hit rough patches, my schoolwork suffered as well. Fights untill four am can really eat into study time. So with careful planning, these hick-ups can be easily avoided.


Conflicts and Conflict Resolution:
I had a lot of roommates over the years and eventually, there was almost always some kind of conflict. Not serious, but enough to where they negatively impacted the relationship flow. To keep from problems sneaking up on you and make sure first that you can get along, spend at least a few hours a week bonding with each other. Doing that will ensure that you hash out problems before they get out of hand. Like with any relationship; it’s all about the communication.


However, if there is a problem, follow these three steps: 

  1. Smile.
  2. Tell your roommate that you like them and are not trying to do harm. 
  3. Ask how the issues can be resolved. 

This happened to me when I was living with a couple of Korean guys near campus. One of them flipped out because I was living in the living room at the time and blocked off the whole room to myself without asking when my girlfriend was visiting me. I know it was disrespectful on my part, but totally fixable. He just needed to talk to me but didn’t. We resolved things amicably later because I followed the steps I outlined above.


Two of the biggest issues that creep in between roommates is laziness and girlfriends. Don’t let your or your roommates’ girlfriends change the dynamic. It will throw everyone off, so make sure to keep your time split between her and your place and communicate with your roomies. Living problems can spill into your love life and then you will have to deal with triple stress as your schoolwork will start to suffer as well.
  Relationships with roommates, friends and girlfriends are all founded on the same principles and all of them can go smoother with empathy. So try to walk in their shoes and do unto them as they would onto you. Even if you have tests and stress, do your best to be compassionate so that they understand that you understand why they do what they do and they will be more likely to help you  ie. not play loud music while you are studying, or putting a towel under the door while they are having sex.


Big No Nos:

  • Never sleep with your roommates boy/girlfriend. Unless he/she asks you to join.


If you’re going to have a party, I recommend that you invite only friends and hide the important stuff behind lock and key. This will save you the anguish of someone stealing your old iMac with all of your art projects on it as happened to my friend Julie. However, if that happens to you, get over it; if you’re not Picasso, your art projects are crap anyway and if you are, then you probably were more careful about storing your important work than leaving it on an old computer in a garage during a rager.


Beer and Food:
If you eat it, replace it! And not with the lesser quality crap and not with less quantity. Ie, replace organic with organic food and a twelve-pack with a twelve-pack, not a couple of left over cans. In fact, if you plan to be lazy and eat your roommates food, replace it with more than you ate so as to not make them resent even buying food because they know that they will have to buy it again just to have you eat it again. Because when your food is eaten, it always seem like more was taken than there really was. It’s our nature to lament the lost so be considerate and return laziness with quantity plus interest.


Here are some basic Roommate Rules, feel free to copy this page and place it on your refrigerator:


House Rules:
  • Be considerate
  • Be Clean
  • Don’t be anal/OCD
  • Put a towel under the door if you have “someone” over.
  • Replace food with more than you took.
  • Do bills together.
  • Do not sleep with the partner of a roommate. (Unless asked to join)
  • Do not use their stuff if you tend to break stuff.
  • If you break it, replace it.
  • Watch out for each-other.
  • See each other once a day
  • Hang out once a week.



If you are living with a boy/girl friend same rules as above except:


  • Don’t cheat
  • Don’t live together, (it’s not worth it and it usually doesn’t work out.)
  • Don’t be a little bitch: do everything they ask and then resent it.
  • Chill out if you’re angry (it’s probably not worth getting too angry over anyway.)
  • Do not keep things bottled-up inside either, (that’s probably why you’re yelling at eachother now)
  • If you’re paying for everything, something’s wrong, don’t be an idiot.


These rules might seem self explanatory but trust me, even the best of us have difficulties once we stop using our brains and anyone who has ever dated or had a big fight with a roommate knows exactly what you’re arguing.


   Finally, if you do decide to live at home, good luck getting a date although if your mom cooks, you may be able to get her or him enticed with a home cooked meal.

In the end, if you’re fun, respectful and clean and ask for the same in a respectful way and find those that can live with and ask for the same within reason, living with others should not be a problem and in fact will leave you with lifelong friends and memories.
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Chapter 8: Studying

Why you study will determine how you study.

    1. Why study?
    2. Prep before
    3. Review after
    4. Notes during
    5. Homework
    6. Tests
    7. Groups and distractions
    8. Place of study
    9. Asking for Help


There was this time that I was at an upscale bar, listening to music and watching women dance on tables. That’s when it hit me, if I didn’t have a degree, I probably wouldn’t be able to afford this and neither would most other people at the bar. Almost everyone in the bar, no matter what they did for a living, had gone to college. At the very least, education gets you ability to afford a pretty fun life.


You got through high school and now you’re on college; so long as you pass you’re good right?
WRONG!
Remember why you worked so hard through high school? Do you remember why you participated in ten clubs, three sports and practically killed yourself for the grades? Do you remember why you worked harder than the slackers to get into college?
I’ll remind you, you wanted a good job. You wanted to be able to live comfortably and not struggle for minimum wage. You didn’t want to sweep floors. You wanted money and career and etc… So many of us loose sight of that once we get into college, get freedom, and start to have fun.
But once in college it is not over. To get the job, you may need grad school and to keep the job or to get through grad school you will definitely need the good work ethic and solid knowledge foundation to succeed and do well in school.
So before you say, “After high school I can relax, there’s no homework in college,” or “I’ll study right before the test,” buckle up and get ready to study, it may save you some bad grades, some study time, some good play time and it may mean the difference between a dead end job and open doors.



Hitting the books:
If there is one thing you take away from this book, it is that everyday you have to wake with realization that you are at school to get your degree. You are there to do your best, to learn the most, to open your doors to have that piece of paper to show to employers and to yourself that you can do four years of intensive and hard studying and that you can do it. However there are easy ways and there are hard way to go about it.
A lot of intelligent people (like me) who whiz through high school and get into college do not realize what is expected of them until their midterms or even finals or sometimes ever. Old habits die hard and old thought patterns even harder. Many times after coming home to a bad grade I thought: “That sucked, I’m going to study hard for the next one, I’m not going to waste time next quarter only to have the same thing happen again.” But because I never thought why I studied, I would later just slack off because I would forget to take it seriously. I lost sight of the goal.


Studying is hard and unless you have a battle plan, a schedule of what and when and how you’re going to study and create the environment for success, you will not reach that success. You have to know what you are working towards, why you are working towards it and work every day to work towards achieving your goal. You may be an 18 year old, you may want to focus on the “four best years of your life” and feel that it’s all about fun but you have to remember, that will get you nowhere, college will go by and you will just have loans and debt. Instead, focus during college, study by yourself, study with a focused group, remember that you must earn that fun and when you earn it, it feels so much better. Plus, that four years crap is a lie, if you do it right, your twenties will be amazing. In my twenties I traveled the world, and partied with friends all over United States. I went on road trips and weekend getaways and all with cash I earned by working hard in college.



How to do it.
Everyone has their own system, but I will tell you first the systems that do not work, no matter how much you fool yourself into thinking they do.

 First failed system is studying with your friends. Unless that group is quiet, without internet or social networks, without chatter and with books out in front and with a solid goal of how long and how much to study, you are not going to be productive but will only waste valuable study and play time. Avoid those groups.


Second path to fail is studying with TV or Internet and most kinds of music. They are distractions, coffee shops are distractions, especially ones which are not the ones selected by people to study. There you will hear other people, be constantly hungry and your focus constantly interrupted by gossip, phones and conversations around you.


If you are studying a difficult subject, find a quiet place or a place with a noise that is irregular, where you can have at least fifteen minutes of zero interruptions so that you can get into the study mode. After that, you will be able to study for a good while even in spite of small interruptions.

 That’s all you need, fifteen minutes of willpower and momentum will carry you through the rest.


Don’t spend time “reading the chapter.”
A for sure no go is studying without a goal. If you have homework, don’t spend time “reading the chapter.” I spent so much wasted time reading a paragraph over and over, with the homework sitting by the side until finally there was no more time and I just had to start answering the homework questions. At that point I would often go through the texts and quickly find the answers I needed. 
This desperation at the end led me to the path that was most efficient which was to scan the text before class, scan the notes after, and scan the text before starting the homework. This way you get the understanding of where to go in the textbook or notes to find the answers to the homework and then you will have the time to let your creativity take you on tangents to learn more about the subjects. 
Sometimes, we just don’t have enough time to learn everything and often, we don’t actually need to. We need to learn the concepts that the teacher wants us to learn and then we need to take in that which will help us in our future interests. It’s not about learning everything, but about learning enough to know where to go back later and learning such that you can use the information in the future. What often happens as a result is that you learn to find information and that leads to a life of no stress. And life without stress is so much more enjoyable during that last week at the end of class.

Sometimes, you have to cram.

There are tests you can cram for and there are tests you can’t. For conceptual classes it is better to do problems and get your needed sleep to be fresh and awake when you see a problem you haven’t seen before on the test. That way instead of freaking out, you can try to figure it out starting with the basics and working backwards.
For classes like history on the other hand, if you fell behind for some reason and you now have to fit three months of information then by all means: cram, cram cram… 
My favorite way to study for those tests was to compile a list of words and concepts and find those in the book. You will end up getting a decent understanding of what happened.


Don’t be a chump.

Ask for help; even if it feels too late. It might mean an extra five percent in the end and an extra concept that you will learn. I know, it feels awkward and scary to look the professor in the eye and feel that look of judgement because you feel clueless and irresponsible. But hey, you probably won’t see them again and he/she may have no idea that you are clueless just from one question. Maybe phrase it in such a way that makes you feel better such as “I feel silly asking this but I keep hearing this term and I’m embarrassed to ask what it means because I still don’t get it.”
What may actually happen is that the question may not be stupid after all and it may prompt a not so stupid discussion. Imagine my surprise when I found out that electrons are still an unknown substance, it has never been officially seen. So if something like an electron isn’t trivial, your question is probably not so trivial either.


Also, remember, you’re in college, that means you’re not an idiot.. Unless, you put yourself there by not asking for help.

A personal story how I’ve done that: I took this computational physics class. I got a D in a class before I withdrew from it twice. Every time I took it, I would come to class with a smug look at the beginning of the semester expecting to ace it only to fall into the same routine at the end by assuming I could do it without help. It was a hard class and by the third time I realized that I needed help. On the third time, finally, I broke down and admitted that this was not possible for me to do on my own. I went to office hours, I got a tutor and studied with other smart kids. In the end, I did better. I was able to catch Professor’s mistakes during lecture and at the end of the quarter, I got a B. This is to show that it does not matter how the professor “looks” at you, because in the end, the only thing of importance is that you want to learn, your grade on home-works and tests, and those are the ultimate judges.

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Chapter 7 Classes

“Work four years, coast forty.”   -Mr. Carnevale


    1. Registering
    2. Which times are good
    3. Which classes are good
    4. How important are they


Remember the movie Clerks? If not, let me just tell you about the part where a guidance councilor is trying to find the perfect set of eggs. He is crouching on the floor and he puts the eggs through a set of ridiculous tests to find the perfect egg as shoppers look at him and wondering why he’s doing this. One of the characters by the name of Randall says that if your job was as pointless as his, wouldn’t you go nuts as well? 
This should be a guideline for you in terms of deciding which classes to take. After listening to councillors and realizing that their advice was always wrong, I decided to never let anyone anyone decide for me which classes to take. A lot of students including myself would take on a massive load of classes only to fail or drop most of them because councillors didn’t say no. Or would take the wrong classes or the wrong major. Listen to yourself and believe in yourself. Take a few classes and if you do well, then challenge yourself and take more. College is much tougher than High School so don’t go balls out until you are ready.

  1. Classes
    1. How important are they
“Can you put up the circuit for an inverting amplifier and write out the equation for us please.” asked the manager. There were three other engineers in the room. They were firing off questions one by one with various tasks for me to complete.
If you put something on your resume, be ready to defend that you actually took that course and learned something. This is why you should take your courses seriously and if you don’t then you are in the wrong place because you are wasting your time, your money and your life.
All classes are useful and the only people that say that they never use their classes are C students and teachers (sorry teachers). Those who say that, are those who don’t use the classes because they never learned anything when taking them. All classes I did well in, I use if not on a daily basis then very often. Because every time I watch TV, read news, read books, go to work, I use Humanities, English, Math, Sociology and I use them in general conversations to understand people who are different from me. If you never took Art or Acting, how do you expect to connect to an actor or an artist? You can’t and if you can’t connect to people around you then you will not have a fulfilling life and you will not do as well in life because it’s true, it’s not what you know but who you know but to get to know people, you have to know a lot about everything.


Better grades also means perks: like options! When you finish high school, you want options. That’s why you work hard to have more colleges as options. When you finish high school, it’s not the end, it’s the beginning because you’re out of your parents’ house and now you’re free and now you need options more than ever. So if you want to pursue a good job or an additional degree, you want to be able to apply to as many places as possible. For that, you need to know a lot and get good grades! Because it ultimately matter if you want to get into good schools which will give you the most options in life.
Good grades also get you money. Not only can good grades get you a scholarship, but they can also get you a better paying job. Think, a few years of hard work can allow you to later party your head off, buy a nice car and travel all you want without loans or worries about money. Imagine all that time you can spend studying instead of working to get better grades and get paid better than all those other students who sacrifice study time to work at the cafeteria.
Also, those who have better grades get front of the line privileges when registering so you’re not stressing out about your schedule and graduating faster. You can be in control of when to wake up, when to study, when to work and keep doing better in school.  For instance, everyone I knew who had 8am classes especially out of those who commuted, had difficulty making good grades in those classes. Imagine avoiding having to take those classes in the first place because you get preferential registration?


Which classes are good? 
Well that depends on the professor. At UCSD we had C.A.P.E. Reviews but after I graduated we had websites as well which you could find useful information about professors. I would generally trust the A students more than C. C students hate most professors and blame everyone but themselves. So ask around and the best students will point you to the best professors and best classes.


Difficulty rating.
Classes are like video games, you set the difficulty rating too high and you’re not going to pass the level, set it too low and it’s a cake walk without learning. Either way not fun. Forget about other students and parent’s pride. Make sure you do well and make sure it is challenging. If it’s not challenging, make it challenging by asking Professor for more problems or harder problems. Don’t be a looser; learn something! And do your best to find a way to see how the class will be useful. If you hate what you’re studying, you will not learn well, you will not work well, and you will quit. So get the worried voice of parents out of your head and study that which you could study even if you weren’t paying for it. If you learn what you love, you will be good at it. Last thing we need is more mediocre people.

I remember there were classes which were required, and I struggled and that’s OK, some classes are required but I liked learning those subjects anyway. I knew probability would come in handy even though I just didn’t seem to get it. I knew Quantum Mechanics was necessary even if I found it incomprehensible but it was a must. But when I went through my classes in Optics, I coasted because I was like a sponge, absorbing everything I could get my hands on. That’s what you want and if that’s not happening in your chosen subject/major, then for God’s sake! Get OUT!!!!
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Chapter 5 Sports

They walked down library walk in bright jerseys, with numbered sports bags, with jugs of water to hydrate and in peak athletic condition. At the same time, I seemed to get skinnier and nerdier and further away from their bronzed and toned bodies every day. The seemed popular and good at school and I felt a world away. What’s funny is that I was them just the year before.

 In high school everyone was involved in some sport and my wrestling coach planed on taping my matches for Cal Poly and UC Davis. His dreams and my parents’ nightmare came to an end when I was tackled by our 189 pounder and cracked my collar bone in two places. That season was over and next year I was splitting time between Academic Decathlon nerdom where our physical activity consisted of racing a stuffed sheep and hacky sack and wrestling for the team a couple times per week. In High School I was with the in crowd but in college, the thought of doing sports did not cross my mind. I was stuck in the mentality that college is for studying and only near Olympic level athletes do sports in college. I learned my lesson by senior year. I picked up Judo and then wrestling again, mostly to get in shape for studying. But I got quiet good at both as a result.

 You see, physical activity promotes fitness and blood flow. Blood flow allows more oxygen to reach the brain which helps think better. At the same time, fitness allows one to have the stamina to work longer. Sports create discipline and time management. With a full season and workouts, most athletes find themselves completing assignments in a more efficient fashion than those who have all the time in the world and don’t have the discipline to sit there and work on the problem until they get it right as they would on the mat or a the track field.

   I missed wrestling and I stepped on the mat in my senior year and was hooked all over again. The wrestling team is always a bunch of crazy rejects. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the close contact, maybe it’s the gay jokes making light of the close contact, or maybe we are just a few neurons short of realizing that we are fighting for no reason. Whatever the reason, wrestlers have been known to be an odd bunch. But once you find you are good at something, you realize that you are stuck with it and for better or worse, you keep doing it, keep teaching it and you end up living it.

   The UCSD wrestling club was actually almost shut down. No it was shut down. I started a facebook page to bring it back and a guy by the name of Paul Montanez out of the blue contacted me about taking over the page and starting the club. I thought I’d let him, but soon I was running the club and he was gone. It was nice to give 8-10 guys on campus have a place to work out every once in a while, teach them my skills and most of all, I needed other people to work out with. UCSD is not a big wrestling school is a major understatement. UCSD football team is undefeated is a T-shirt proudly worn by many because the school has no football team. Our male sports are a joke while women’s sports are ok. It was an easy transition for me as it was essentially how my high school was. This actually was great because almost anyone could get on a team, and if you couldn’t, there were a plethora of clubs. Some were good like the squids or ultimate frisby A team. Some were not so good but great party and social clubs, like Rugby, BOARD, Surf and the squid B team. There were some clubs that were on par with our actual sports teams like the Volleyball club and some clubs which actually created Olympians like our ping pong, sorry, table tennis team

And there were the bizzare like the inner tube water polo. Probably my biggest regret was not doing that one. It was co-ed, it was in the pool, you just need a keg in one of the tubes and you’re set.

I made a lot of friends as a result of running wrestling club and I others on the team did as well. You could always rely on the surf team to throw a good party. The friends were often made on the long trips to the competitions. A year after graduating, as a coach, I went with three other wrestlers to Lakeland  Florida. We stayed at a motel that was constructed around a bar. The bar was owned by a large black man with a sense of humor and he employed a tiny, girl with a loud southern accent. There were nothing but guys visiting this bar. Often laborers like those working on a railroad. There would be all sorts of mayhem. Locking of each other in bathrooms, throwing people into the pool, ice baths on customers and bar owners.

I was taking a video of a massive ice fight. Ice pitchers being poured on the girl, then she would get the pitcher and give it to someone and that person would pour it on someone else and then someone else would get a pitcher from her and pour it on the owner. At the end everyone was soaked but me. The owner looked at me and asked: “Why ain’t you wet?”  
“I’m observing” I said.
“We don’t like observers here” And he poured a pitcher of ice and water all over me.

I walked into the room at two am, drenched, cold and happy. We barely made it to the tournament the next day on time. The guys had a great time, we laughed non stop. We maybe should have competed better but the memories of that trip were better than medals.

That’s what sports are: comradery and physical fitness and that will allow you to succeed in class and maybe a chance to meet girls and have other kids in class envy you, your girls and your grades.
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Chapter 3: Frats and Sororities.


    1. Why should you join
    2. Parties
    3. What to expect
    4. When to join
    5. Which to join
    6. Benefits
    7. Cons



I was sitting with my brothers in the courtyard of SDSU Lambda Chi house. Jeff Witous, one of the founding employees of Sun Microsystems was sitting with his back to a wall, and about twenty guys in a semi-circle around him. We were drinking bud lights as he doled out life advice. I sat enamored with the moment, thinking: when else and how else could I ever imagine having this opportunity, to listen to someone like Jeff giving advice in such a small and intimate setting? Sure, this is no Yale or Harvard where I can sit in a Skullz grey sarcophagus building and listen to the Bushes or fortune 500 CEO’s, but even if I got into Yale I probably wouldn’t be invited. I’m a son of an immigrant engineer. For me, this was a good start and I was devouring every word that left Jeff’s mouth. 
 
 A couple months later, I was initiated along with forty other guys. Although it was a tough decision, I was glad I made it. I was a senior in college, I could afford the yearly dues, the guys were similar to me: driven, honest, accomplished. This was not a frat frat. It was something we created being the founding father class. We wrote the constitution in late night sessions, we picked the first and second class of incoming brothers, we created the organization and I wouldn’t give up my time in the frat for the world.



   But even the best mannered fraternities have their moments. I remembered one of our guys got wasted at our first big party at a local brew house. I was asked to take him home and he was belligerent. He complained about a girl that he left at the party. He was worried that someone would see him drunk at the dorm because he was working as an RA (resident advisor). When we finally got to his dorm, he realized that he left his keys in his car. We got back into my car and drove to the brew house to get the keys but now he decided that he would drive. This became a serious confrontation. I wouldn’t let him drive and he wouldn’t go with me. At this point, he forgot about the previous girl and was now talking to some random girl that was forgotten at the parking lot by her friends. 
    It was getting ridiculous and I called the president of the fraternity, Jason Harp and Jason’s advice as a true leader thinking out of the box was: “Punch him in the jaw, I’ll take responsibility for it.” It was three am, I was fed up, I gave him another chance and then the punch came. He was shocked. He got in the car and called his cousin as we drove through the empty streets, complaining as I took him home. The next day I got a big apology and a thanks from him as well as a great story. 

There are many reasons to join and stories like these are some of them. There are the parties, but parties you can find and there is no reason to pay for them. There is the comradery, having over a hundred people that you are connected with. You will face situations you never thought you would. You will meet friends who will start businesses and become successful people. You will meet and deal with dirt-bags, money problems and be molded into a leader. Even after graduating, I continued to make friends from the fraternity as I came back to alumni events. I didn’t have the same closeness of going through classes and events together, but we became friends nevertheless.



Sororities:

There are the sororities, and honestly, they are a great reason to join. You get exposed to a lot of hot girls and you really develop abilities to talk and get along with women (in case those abilities did not exist before).  I saw a lot of shy guys come in and blossom into confident men as they went through the experience.


When to join:
Some join at the beginning of their arrival at school. To me, this meant a lot of money and being confined to the “greek” system. I joined later and had a large network of people by the time I joined. However, I did not bond as well with a lot of people in the fraternity because I did not spend as much time or have those experiences that created the connections that so many “greeks” have by joining early on.

Which one to join:
During first or second week of the semester, fraternities and sororities begin recruiting. It’s a good chance to meet everyone and decide which one you like and if they like you.
There is a fraternity for everyone. Nerdy, fun, jock, Asian, Jewish, Muslim etc. Whatever you join, make sure it is you, that you like the people, that you get along with them and that you can rely on them. Mostly likely they will invite you because you are like them. You will make connections and friends for life so if there is a fraternity on campus that you like, then go for it.


Benefits:
You learn organization, leadership and team work. The budgets can be not insignificant, you may have to be responsible for a lot of irresponsible brothers and make some tough decisions. Some people liken running a fraternity to running a business or creating a start-up. It isn’t easy, but no rewarding experience ever is. Things that your brothers will do for you are very rewarding.
For instance, I once arrived in San Jose and had no place to stay and no where to go. One phone call to my brother Sol and he was at the airport taking me to his place. You’re never alone and that is an amazing feeling.


Reasons not to join them:

They take up a lot of time. You are required to learn about the secrets and history and you have to plan events and spend a lot of time socializing. There is a huge amount of gossip and incestuousness within the “greek” system because it is a small community, so word gets around. The nice thing is that it is mostly inconsequential.

The other thing to think about is that there are fraternities and sororities that haze. I joined one that did away with hazing decades ago but many still do. They say they allow a class to bond but I see it as an excuse for sadists to exercise their sadism. I was pretty old by then and didn’t care to have underclassmen humiliate me. But hey, some dig so it’s up to you if that’s your cup of tea.

There are sometimes bad apples, that create rotten orchards. If in good orchards they are cast out, in bad ones they take over. We had an experience where one guy was accused of rape. He was at a party and the girl got drunk went to a room and he was drunk and he followed her and spent the night with her. She said it was rape and cops showed up and filed a report. Fraternity took it extremely seriously because we all have sisters and mothers. He was suspended pending the investigation. He ended up being no guilty but as you can see, we did not abandon him but we also put him on notice. 
Before that incident, another fraternity brother was kicked out because he could not handle himself at a party and started groping girls. Our president Jason was young but strong and idealistic. He made sure that this guy was out and could not represent us and set a poor example for the others. As Jeff Witous said to us that day over beers: “Don’t contaminate the gene pool.”


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Chapter 2: First Day

“First day in a new place everyone feels the same, a little bit weird.”

In this chapter we’ll cover:

    • Making friends
    • Moving into dorms
    • Places to eat
    • Dances and parties
    • The crazy, weird and religious People

       How do you prepare for your first day of college? Clean shirt, a shave, a haircut- if that’s your thing. It really doesn’t matter. It’s like any other day just in a new place. You’ll feel a bit out of place for a sec but you meet people with similar interests, with a desire to be friends and soon you get used to the new surroundings and then, before you even realize it, you’re good. Because the most important thing I learned is realize that the more I relax, the more confidence I had and the more I freed myself to loose that critical voice that the teachers and parents put in my head, the better I felt in college. Just remember, free and relaxed doesn’t mean stupid.

    Now first day for most students is called admit day. If you’re lucky like me, you will be shown around the campus by a really cute orientation leader. It is the day when most students arrive, move in and mingle. They go through the orientation, the two day you get acquainted to the college frenzy and finally, the day you move in and the week of parties before you start studying. I don’t know if these exist in non-American Colleges but if it doesn’t, it should. In San Diego there are five major Universities. Some Universities studied and some partied; mine definitely studied, except for that first week and that was the week to make friends.

     About friends, if for whatever reason making friends in High School was not easy, you’re in luck, because nothing could be simpler in college. Everyone arrives with a blank slate, so be cool, be respectful, be yourself and if you still can’t find like-minded people, join some clubs. And of course, smile. People like smiles. 

     As I said before, at UCSD the window to make friends is really limited to that first week. After that people settle into their classes and into the groups they find that first week. That first week, right before arriving at the dorms, you probably hope to have good roommates, hoping they are relaxed, honest and helpful and you hope they are fun people to be around. And at the very least, know when to leave you alone. You hope that all of you can go out and have a good time that first week, meet all the girls/guys you can and make some good friends. You never know, you might make the friend who you will start a company like Steve Jobs and make millions of dollars or maybe meet that girl/guy you will marry someday.



    As far as the clubs and majors, during admit day you have everything at your disposal. During admit day, they will show you all the departments, clubs and sports. You will get to see and have a chance to ask questions and really open your eyes to all the possibilities that are available to you. You can go talk to professors from Cognitive Science or Humanities. You can check out the SAE club that builds cars or the Koala club that writes a satire newspaper or even the DVC, a club for DJs. You can stop by the fraternity tables and see if that is right for you and they will probably give you an invite to their parties that week. See what’s there and then pick and choose. It’s about meeting as many people as possible so that you can find the ones that will make your college experience easier and more full filling.

    My admit day I met a tall Sikh, Ronnie Sing a girl Natasha Judge. I still keep in touch with them a bit today. Through them I met other people who are still good friends friends with me today. 

    Those first days I would hang out at Ronnie’s room and we would go to parties with people in the dorms, eat together and even study together. Some of his roommates were in my classes so when I showed up to class, I felt comfortable knowing some people in class because I had someone to sit with, exchange notes and study.


    The kids I met at the dorms would go out to eat together at the cafeterias as well as parties, dances and games. Some of their friends joined intramural teams and it really opened up options as far as things I could do. Because a lot of times we just can’t pick and so we go along with what our friends are doing.

    One thing I wasn‘t expecting is the crazy, weird and religious people. For instance, there was an older guy in the center of the campus wearing a suit. He would preach and yell for hours. His preaching consisted of calling girls whores and that all of us are going to hell. There were weird kids wearing weird clothes, sometimes bums came on campus, weird after a while became normal.

    But this in a way was diversity. It wasn’t all bad, there were church groups and Muslim associations and Jewish cookouts. Compared to high school, it really was a lot more than I anticipated. With 20,000 people, there was something going on for everyone all the time.



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    My Categories for Picking UCSD

    When I made my list of pros and cons I was 18 and didn’t know what was important, so here are some of the important things that were on my list and some which I would have added if I could go back to my 18 year old self.

    Type: University, College, Community, Trade School.
    Some people are afraid to spend time and money on a four year school and if you are not ready (meaning you do not know what you want to study and who you want to be), a Community College may be a great place to go while you figure yourself out. The problem is, the vast majority never get their AA degree and don’t finish in two years. So if you are not doing this out of financial considerations, it may not be the best choice. Taking time off may be in your interests to figure out what you’d like to do with your life before jumping in.

    While Four year Colleges generally offer a great small school feel but at a University you will often have opportunities to work with faculty on interesting research projects. Finally, some people don’t care to be educated, they want to know skills to start working. For you, trade school is the best option.

    For me UCSD was pretty much my high school with ashtrays. Academic University, no football and near the beach.


    Size: Small or Big
    A small school will give you a sense of community and it generally will have smaller student to lecturer ratio. Consider more your personal likes and dislikes, if you hate being a number and easily overwhelmed by large campuses teaming with people, a 20,000 person campus may not be for you.

    I preferred a smaller school but the opportunities offered by a large University near home and the savings of lower tuition compared to pricey small schools meant that UCSD won out.

    Money: Cost and Value

    Going to a community college and transferring can  help a lot to lower the cost of education. The main drawback is that you will not get to connect as much with classmates and not all Universities allow you to transfer. If you do not plan to go into a field that makes a lot of money, do not have scholarships or wealthy parents, then logically it is not recommended  going to an expensive private schools especially if the major is not especially commercially viable. Debt is a terrible way to start your life and while money is not the goal to life, being poor certainly isn’t either. Plus it is important to remember that some jobs, will not make you  enough money to allow you survive after your college debt payments let alone afford that girlfriend, car, house and kids.

    My family was regular middle class. So it was either go in debt or pay 5k a year for a public institution.

    What to study: Majors
    This is a tough pick and many will change their major several times after entering college. Getting to know yourself, working in a field of interest and creating life goals early on is the best way to find the major you like before you actually begin coursework. It is also important to realize, that classes are not an exact preparation for real life and the work you do will not be like the classes you take. So if you like what you’re learning, that is a great plus, but remember, that on the job you will be using the knowledge and not necessarily learning more about the subject. So learn in school as much as you can, before you have to try to learn on the job.

    UCSD had a great engineering school, one of the best. I applied to WPI in Massachussettes but there was no scholarship so again, cost won out.

    What are you paying for? Prestige!
    I remember staying at my friend’s dorm room at Yale. We were going to bars with the kids of the most powerful people in US. I remember seeing the president’s daughter across the bar and at the same time I remember him bringing a stack of books during Thanksgiving break. I remember him talking about family members financing other family members’ businesses. And this was when I realized that money makes money and that access to money is what can allow one to succeed in US. If you don’t have your own money, then at least through friends you should have a way to get money. Thus, if you are intent on being at the top, don’t kid yourself and realize that you will have to work hard and be there where the best are to get to the top. If you want to be the best in a field, go to school where the best are in that field. The prestige will carry you through life because what you know and what you can do will be clear from simply announcing where you got those skills.

    I guess there was academic prestige. I didn’t meet kids of Fortune 500 CEOs at UCSD, but there were plenty that have recently made onto that list so there’s no reason why I couldn’t. Of course that’s why I joined a fraternity, the nationwide network of successful people is not a bad thing to have.


    Another ambiguous value: Connections:

    Personal connections are great! Everyone uses them. They make the world manageable. No matter how small of a company you own or work for, you will always be more likely to choose someone on a good recommendation instead of a resume. This of course scales up to corporate jobs, government work and business transactions. Friends do businesses with friends and  the higher stakes game you’d like to play the bigger the players you need to find. If you go to an Ivy league school you will more likely to be in a circle of those who will be at high levels of government and business, if you go to a top tier technical school then you will be among those who will be the best in science. So the people you surround yourself during college is the network you will rely on for the rest of your life. The better the network the better the jobs and the easier it will be to navigate your career when times are good and when times are bad.

    The people I studied with were the ones that contacted tipped off my first two employers. Connections matter and they can be made anywhere. Of course my connections at UCSD were some of the best in the field.

    Social Life (At “UC Sociall Dead”):

    Some schools are known for a rowdy social scene, some for their diligent academics and some for insane sport fans and small town support. The next four years your social skills will be put to the test and grow tremendously. So pick wisely what you can handle and still succeed academically and what is most important to you and in what environment you thrive.

    At UCSD you had to work to find parties, to make friends and have a balanced life. Most people are not extremely  social. So that was a big minus on my list but lucky for me, I don’t have a problem meeting people.

    Time-off or as we say, “figuring yourself out”
    It is becoming more and more common for people to take time off between high school and college.  Personally I think that that’s a nice luxury for the rich, but it is also a prudent approach for those who have not yet matured or figured out what it is they want to do. If you work and save up (while still living at the parents’), you can always take a few months to travel, see the world and grow up. College is expensive, it is difficult and spending time and money switching between majors can be avoided by going into the real world and finding out, what is it that one really likes, what is it that one is good at and only after that entering college with focus and determination. If there is one thing that people need to succeed, it is good goals in order to become focused. Good news for many students is that some colleges now allow for time-off for a year and that can be a big plus to some on the list of why to apply or to accept a college.

    Time off was working two jobs and taking Chinese and Weight Lifting at a community college. May not sound fun but it got my head straight to work better when I came back.

    GPA, yes it is still important.
    If you plan to get a well paying corporate job or apply to a top tier graduate school, the GPA from the school where you went will matter more than the actual GPA. But for most people and most colleges GPA is still an important metric. So study for the knowledge, not the grades but still consider wisely how well you study and what your after school plans are before choosing a college. You never want to leave yourself with closed doors because college is only four years of your life, many years of success or failure may ride  on where and how you spent those four years.

    Mine was terrible, but at least it was terrible from a great school and a tough major.

    Research, that work that pays little and requires sacrifice but brings in dividends:
    Going to a college where there are a lot of opportunities to work along side graduate students and professors can be rewarding and a huge boost to professional life, a career and it can help you get into a good graduate program. So don’t overlook working opportunities because while every college has Greenpeace and study abroad, or working as an usher, not every college has a lab where you can get your hands on real research and real experience in nanotech, neuroscience or archaeology.

    Probably the most important thing I did while in college. The technology I worked on and the skills I learned and the people I worked with was the best that happened to me.

    Sports, they are more important than you think.
    If you believe that you can just do sports, you’ll have a tough time after graduation and if you believe that you can lock yourself inside the library and still do well you’re also mistaken. Physical activity is super important for stamina, for mind health and clarity. Thousands of college kids every year are diagnosed with depression, bi-polar and other disorders that can often be dealt with daily rush of adrenaline on the soccer field or in the pool. So if you have a favorite sport, why not continue with it after high school. You’re not competitive? It’s ok, there are lots of club sports, intramural sports, and a million other options at most colleges. So take a look at those and put them down on your checklist. It will make you a better student and a happier person and probably better looking.

    This was not high on my checklist when going to school but being part of the Judo and wrestling club in my last year helped me keep my sanity and stamina during all night study sessions.
    So here we are: I have outlined my main checklist for how I would pick a school today. Examine carefully each of these categories because your future depends on them and your likelihood of doing well depends on your comfort level and your goals and then make your own! 

    Now you’re ready to apply and then pick your from all the ones that will accept you. Good luck!
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    Chapter 1: High School (tips on picking and getting in to college)

    Chapter 1 High School


    Maybe I should have waited before starting college. My High School, in upper middle-class San Diego was more concerned about giving me enough time to pad the college application than learning. So I was smart enough to never have to work in High School. That is why I find it amazing that I finished college. Because even now, I still don’t know how to study efficiently, consistently or developed the ability to find focus. I am not an A plus student, or even a B student. I did not have some higher calling to push me. I am a regular guy with too much stupidity to know better and a bit too much ambition for my own good. But if I had developed the skills to study, focus and find the drive to succeed. School would have been a lot easier. So that’s why getting those skills early will guide you better through college and life more than anything else in this book. 
    But, in spite of my shortcomings, somehow through sheer will to show those who did not believe and through encouragement by those who did, I did what sometimes really did seem impossible. I feel that sometimes, those who accomplish what they set out to do don’t always have great confidence, they learn to have confidence through a series of ups and downs. A good example is Marilyn Monroe,  a shy and awkward stutterer, she re-engineer everything about herself in her quest to become an actress. Or take Abraham Lincoln. HE was uneducated, poor and belligerent (serious anger issues). Yet, he took time to learn law and made himself one of this countries greatest politicians.  I learned much from books, from friends and from personal experiences. You will have plenty of experiences of your own to learn from, but by taking my experience, you will be at least ahead of me without repeating my mistakes, and making your mistakes instead.



    There is no one way to  college


    My parents are immigrants from the Ukraine. They understood that I had to do well in school and that I had to go to college to have a good life but they did not know how. By luck, from friends and councilors I found out that there are certain requirements that everyone has to complete to go to a University: one must take standardized tests and must do well in the required classes and finally, one must apply. Additionally, one must also have a portfolio of accomplishments, volunteer work, leadership and etc. On thing that no one tells you is that how well one does in those optional areas is not very important because every college decides on an individual basis and makes up their mind up according to objective and subjective benchmarks. So it is important to know what you want to do with your life, what kind of setting you thrive in and pick a school which fits those goals and preferences. Once you know that, you need to find out what you have to do to get into that school.


    As for me, I knew I wanted to go to Berkeley. But my PSAT’s (practice SAT’s) were sub-par and I had a poor start in first year of High School. But growing up in San Diego meant that I had been to UCSD on several occasions, not necessarily for the academic activities but to raves and parties. I was there my senior year for a huge rave. The Price Center or the main plaza was full of kids dressed up in costumes; big fluffy pants, fairy wings, loud banging music and screaming kids. But, my first choice was was still Berkeley, for their atmosphere, prestige and last but not least (and often the biggest reason for most): distance from home.


    To my disappointment but not surprise, I did not get into Berkeley, nor did I get into UCSD. But, I could do not give up easily. I found out that one can appeal the decision. I wrote an appeal and sent it with letters of recommendation from my teachers to Berkeley. I didn’t care about my rejection letter from UCSD but under advice from mother (listen to your mother), I figured I may as well bring an appeal to UCSD and since it is so close to my house, I came by on admit day and submitted it in person to one of the counselors.


    Soon after I received rejections from both and resigned to go to UC Santa Barbara.  A month later and about a week after sending a check to UCSB, UCSD sent me a letter of acceptance. My dad was there when I opened it and when I read the decisions he picked me off the ground. I didn’t even know the little man had in him. I think that was the proudest he had ever been or showed to be.

    I want to show here that you don’t have to be the best, but you do have to persevere, don’t give up and use every avenue available until you move on.

    Once I was accepted I had a choice, UCSD and UCSB. I made a matrix and to each choice I assigned a number 1-5 from most important to least important. Once the pros and cons with their respective weights (for me) were added up, UCSD came out to be the clear winner.

    At one point or another, we all must make a choice, and everyone has their own criteria. I made my choice to go to UCSD for various reasons, it was essentially the best place for me to go given the choices I had. When parents and high school grads ask me how to choose, I would say that it depends on what’s important to you. To be more clear, I’ll go over the criteria I think one should consider before making a choice  in another article.

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    Introduction

    Introduction
    Why should you read this book (one day it will be):
       When I was twenty-two I quit school because I was tired of half trying and worked two jobs instead. I woke up at six am to slice lettuce and make sandwiches for minimum wage until two and then I would drive twenty miles to watch over a parking lot for another eight hours. I ate cup-o-noodles for 10 cents each and split a room with a student who stayed up all night playing video games. I was working seven days a week, sixteen hours a day to save money to go back to school. Before this experience, I was a bad student without motivation. After six months of working as I did, I realized that I did not want to work like this for the rest of my life. I realized that I needed an education. More importantly, now I knew why I needed an education.

    If you’re reading this then I need to remind you that you are an  amazingly lucky person. You are about to become one of the few in the history of the world to have a formal education. In four years you will know more and be able to do more than most people who lived on earth before you, ever imagined. You don’t have to be a genius or change the world, you will know more than past geniuses and you will change the world just by going to work everyday after graduating and maybe even before. The choices that will face you will challenge you, and making the right one or wrong one, wont matter because you will grow. I’m sure the choices already seem disorienting but by making one, and then either sticking to it or making another one, will allow you to realize yourself. You may be like me: an idealist, under a lot of parental pressure to do something that may not be right for you, but unlike me, you will have this book, to help you using my story to anticipate the challenges, to prepare for obstacles and to allow yourself to live to the fullest and to tap your fullest potential. I may not change the world, but if I can help one person be the best they can be, I will be happy with my contribution to our planet.


    Why did I write this book:
    As a senior in college, friends of family came to me over and over again to ask the same questions about college. They may have gone to Universities in their native countries if they are immigrants or went to college so long ago that they forgot how it used to be and can no longer give relevant advice; they are clueless as to how best to prepare their kids and how to talk to them in a way that would actually get through to them.
    As many other kids today, I graduated by overcoming the many pitfalls along the way by learning from friends and from personal mistakes. So while my memory is not too rusty and my contacts have not taken their last exams, I wanted to write a little guide to college for kids and parents from the perspective of someone who did not take the traditional way there.


    I begin with my story for reference sake. Feel free to skip around and read the chapters and keep it around when parts become relevant. One thing that seems always true, is that one cannot accept advice until one is ready for it. Some people however, never are.

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    Why This Blog?

    Hello reader. You may be a confused high school student, a bored college student, a scared parent, or an exasperated teacher. Whoever you are, I wrote a book for you over three years ago. But because I keep getting sidetracked, I don’t publish it. So I decided that each week I will release a chapter. This will get me to not only publish and go through it, but also actually get that information to you. Please enjoy and feel free to leave comments, discuss, leave your advice and concerns and your stories. I love stories!!!

    Thanks!
    Sam