Category: college

college, online education

Online vs in Person

COVID hit us like a brick wall and we were all forced into On-Line. That which was a subpar product packaged for people who couldn’t pass GRE or get good grades but claimed to be “too busy with work”, now became mandatory.

And what did we learn?

It sucks. It sucks just as much as we thought if not more.

Learning difficult subjects is not easy. Learning difficult subjects requires all of our senses to form the memories. It requires an environment that sets us up for the learning we are about to embark on. We all tune in, we turn off our laptops (hopefully), we put away our phones (if we are serious) and we listen. After and before class we might ask a question of our peers and in class we ask questions of the professors. We smell the chalk or the marker fumes, we move our heads from the board to our notes, we think about the matter and we read things before and after. We feel the paper that we turn in and we feel the graded paper returned.

And what do we get in an online class? Nothing.

We “walk into the class” in our pijamas. We are on facebook the whole time. The professor rarely asks a question, and when they do, we are almost always on the toilet. We barely do the reading and we certainly don’t interact with other students.

What does this mean? It is a waste of time and money.

If you can study this way? Great! You just saved yourself gas money and money on courses. If you don’t need a network ever? You’re probably an idiot and will never rise up in an organization and this method is for you.

BUT. If you are serious about learning and applying what you learn, if you are serious about your future, if you are willing to invest in yourself, then for the love of god, avoid on-line and do in person.

I might be an old man saying this, or behind the times. But if I am, prove me wrong!

college, Jobs, Work

Chapter 10 Work

-If you do what you love, you’ll never have to work a day in your life” -Ruth

    1. Why work?
    2. Internships
      1. Where
      2. How much
      3. How to work
      4. How to quit
    3. Money issues
    4. Lab work
      1. How to get one
      2. Where to work
      3. How to quit
      4. What to work on
    5. Menial Jobs



There are very few kids lucky enough to go through college without having to pay tuition and/or having to work for a living. I knew a lot of kids who worked on campus, off campus, in labs, in bars. That is fine and to each their own. Whatever you choose to do, whether you need money or not, I advise that you do what you like and make sure that it goes along with your life plan. If you work retail and you’re studying biology, you’re wasting your time. On the other hand if you’re studying business, retail may be valuable place of experience.
I fell into my profession by accident. I was at a party and a friend of family happened to be a Professor of Electrical Engineering at my University and invited to come to his lab. I showed up at Shaya Fainman’s small office on the fourth floor of a spaceship-looking building. It was neat and with a bookcase full of books. He didn’t say much, just that I should go to the lab in the basement and talk to his PhD student Wataru Nakagawa. Wataru spoke with me for about five minutes. He asked which classes I’ve taken (pretty much none at the time, I was a freshman) but I did have some graphics experienced having had my own magazine. Wataru told me to come back next day to help with some posters.
I put together presentations and posters for the lab that lined the halls. As I took more classes, I was given more projects, my jobs expanded to working with fiber optic cables, learning about optical-components and eventually to working on things no one had ever worked on before at the time. 
I had a tough time showing up to that first meeting. I felt guilty getting this chance through family. Lucky for me, I talked it over with friends first, my best friend told me to take the opportunity and go with it. This one little decision made me change my major and led me to start clubs, meet people across the world and work on some amazing projects. You will have a lot of decisions in your life. Pick three people who know you and whose opinion you trust, they will make your life.
The lesson is always get advice and always take opportunities that present themselves. Each one opens new doors so don’t worry about a bigger opportunity to come, you have to take the small ones to get the big ones.


At one point I quit college. I’ll go into that in another chapter, but while I was out of college, I worked several odd jobs. Unlike the nice University job where I was paid well and had good hours, and an easy going boss-those jobs were tough, they were menial, the bosses were not great and I learned about what I wanted and what I didn’t want. I learned I did not want to work for minimum wage, that I wanted to get a degree and have a better life than what life without education offered. I learned that real world outside of college is tough and making little money meant a lot more work, it meant struggling, it meant less free time.


Things I learned at jobs:
Be dependable.
One of the jobs during my time off was at a photoshop. I got the job off the street, no interview no application. I told the owner that I used to work as a photographer at a magazine I founded and that was enough for her. I was late the first day, and the third day and on the fifth day I was late again and she fired me. What I learned was that people count on you and when you make a promise, you have to keep it. The work at a small shop relies on customer service and it relied on me be there  and me being late meant that she couldn’t rely on me. All of my good work with photoshop and machines counted for little if she couldn’t count on me.


Know which fights to pick.
After I got fired, I had a tough time finding another job. It was the 2001 recession after 9/11 and I was overqualified. I finally found one for minimum wage at a local deli. I had to be there at 7:30 answering the phone, washing dishes and making lettuce. It was humiliating and humbling to go from lasers to dishes.
But I saw myself being more and more valuable to the business. One day the owner came up to me to ask me to make deliveries since delivery driver was leaving for vacation. I said yes and later thought that he should reimburse me more than tips. Instead of saying that at the time, I told him as he was about to send me on a delivery. He fired me. 
Lucky for me, the owner’s wife had more sense to talk to him and me or else I really would have been fired. Although, he would have been right, I should have been fired for picking a fight at such a moment.


Tip the poor guys,
At that time I was able to get a second job as a parking lot attendant. I was working a parking lot in the gay area of San Diego and until the business owners of the shops near by realized that I was straight, they were giving me a lot of attention. The look of disappointment upon learning I was straight was classic.

I sat in my little booth for hours on end taking people’s tickets and asking them for money back. It was boring work and I spent a lot of time just reading books and studying for fall when I would be going back to school. For me, the best part of the day after working both jobs was getting 15-20 dollars in tips. It made a difference and I recommend everyone that if you go out there, give the poor people a little extra. It may not mean a lot monetarily for you but it meant a lot to lift the spirit to go home with a little bit of cash in the pocket.

Your work position does not define you, your goals and work ethic do.
It doesn’t matter today that I was a delivery boy or that I had worked at a grocery store when I was young. It doesn’t even matter that I put up Christmas lights when I was thirty because what mattered were my goals. When I worked at a grocery store, I was really just earning money, but I was working on going to college. When I was working on roof tops stringing lights, I was earning money, but I was working on a book. But when I am working as an engineer, I am working on a career, I am working on a product and the work ethic at every job was the same, do your best and that pays off because that is what gets one to the goals.


Work at work hard, but work at school harder.
A lot of people when working at school, will skip classes because they care more about money than classes. But each class you skip counts for ten work days you skip because the money you earn during college is pennies compared to how much you will earn after college. The job you will have after college will give you healthcare, nice hours, kind boss and vacation time in addition to the good pay.
My roommate Masha was once fired from a waitressing job because to her, waitressing was a dead end but school had no limits. She found a tutoring job with better hours and bosses who cared more about her well-being than their paychecks. It worked out for both but that attitude allowed her to get straight As which gave her far more than extra 20 dollars she would have made if she had skipped a class.


So work hard, pick your jobs carefully and never forget why you are working: to afford education to later work less, earn more and have a better life; not to have better things at the expense of education.

boyfriend, college, girlfriend, relationship

Chapter 4: THE GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND


“Nothing is as rewarding and beneficial as love, nothing is as destructive either.”



    1. Benefits!
      1. Stability
      2. The sure thing
    2. The negatives
      1. The loss of single hood
      2. Attachment
      3. Time commitments
      4. Drama
    3. Moving-in together
    4. Long Distance relationships
    5. Dating around



My first girlfriend walked through the door of a study room at the dorms and I had that sensation where you stop breathing. I remembered this girl because she had passed me by a week before and I felt the same. That night, we spent the entire night talking and the next five years dating. A long distance relationship lead to a breakup that we just couldn’t manage to make earlier. Today she is married and we are still friends.

So what can I recommend from my experience? I can say that it depends on where you live. In San Diego and other big cities, it is becoming more and more difficult to have a relationship in high school or college that lasts. There is simply too much life to experience and too many people to meet that makes it nearly impossible for some people to prevent themselves from experiencing. At schools and in small college towns it is a lot easier. For instance at Purdue University, my friend in her mid twenties found it extremely difficult to find potential suitors as most grad students were already married. While in San Diego, there was no shortage of willing partners. So let’s go over why should you date, why shouldn’t you date, how to survive dating and should you (and you should) take the plunge.


Why date?

If you are serious about studying and doing well in college, few people realize because it is counter-intuitive is that a stable relationship can help. A stable relationships even with its ups and downs, keeps you from going out too often, gives you a place to go to and provides a friend that’s always there. When you have college relationships you experiment with rules and some try not having any. A relationship without rules however, can be a disaster. Even such a simple rule on who you can and can’t see, because that slut across the hall has her eyes on you, a good girlfriend will find a way to keep the threats out of a relationship. There are other more mundane rules like not letting stress of exams get to each other because that is the prime time for fights to occur. Holding out on those until the end of exams is a great rule.

Cons

The negatives for some are of course not sleeping around, experimenting and going out and partying with friends as much. So get it out of your system before the relationships and don’t forget, there’s always grad school.



Virginity
A lot of people who go to college, were late bloomers and probably never had sex or even had time for sex in High School. So your first time will probably be in college. I’d say it can be a horrible or a good experience. In the end, I don’t think most people dwell on it too much unless it was horrible. So pick wisely, be in a good situation where you are in control and don’t freak out. There will be liquids and smells that you’ve never seen or smelled. So do some research before hand. Talk it all out with your partner. Talking is hard in college but you’re a mature young man/woman so I have faith in you that you will make it a good time. Also, I recommend reading the Kama Sutra, the original not the semi-porn with pictures you find at the bookstore. It is a two thousand-year-old ultimate guide to relationships and sex and will make a pro out of anyone.

Living Together

Sometimes, it makes financial sense to move in together. I’m not a big advocate of this as most relationships break up after this. Because unless two people are in a mature and committed (meaning ready to marry) kind of relationships, it is a certain way to end what could be a promising young love or a way to keep going something that should have been over a long time ago. People who live together, often let each other slide on things that they otherwise wouldn’t let slide and that creates problems in the end. Imagine, you live together but you figure it’s not forever so you are ok with them not picking stuff up or leaving things out. But then you get married and now you start voicing your opinion and the other person is thinking: “What the hell, this used to be fine before marriage.” And so now, the marriage gets blamed, more stress occurs and eventually.. divorce.
So when living together, be honest with things that bother you. Split chores evenly. Be responsible financially. It sounds basic but if you can do that, you will be alright.


Long Distance
This, for college kids, often happens but it is almost always a bad thing. Usually you stay together because one person isn’t strong enough to break up with the other. The two end up wanting to date and feel ashamed but while still acknowledging that they love and care for the person far away. They will both have wandering eyes and begin to get suspicious and jealous.  
Long distance is reserved for the older like my boss Kevin. He had a long distance, cross-country relationship for six years while he went through grad school and his girlfriend went to business school. Theirs worked, they now live and work together because they were mature and date each other long enough to do so. 

  • So if you’re going to get into this type of relationship, a few things will help you. One thing that can make it easier today is the ability to skype and see each other. So set designated times and make it a date. 
  • Also seeing each other once every month or two is a must in order to keep the relationship strong. 
  • Of course, there has to be an end date that the two can look forward to being reunited. 

 

The awesome thing about a long distance relationship is the high you feel when you finally see them. All that repressed energy and affection and then an entire weekend just focused on the two of you is really really great. You get to share a lot and really spend time with each other. When two people in a long distance relationship see each other, they don’t take the time together for granted and really squeeze out every minute. A long term relationship can offer that stability without the fights and can be a great way to grow together but it has to be done right and if you follow the few rules outlined above, you can do it.


Dating around
 When dating in college, have fun! But remember one thing, karma is a bitch. Be honest about your intentions when you start. It may be tempting to do things like cheating but don’t allow others to cheat with you. 

Rape or sexual assault are a huge problem on campuses for guys and girls. It has to be addressed because with majority of women in college experiencing rape or assault from guys who are drunk or just don’t take time to listen. You never know how someone acts in every situation, which means that dating a so called nice guy, can and sometimes does result in date rape. Because it is usually someone you know and would have never suspected. 

As far as guys, even if you think you’d never and that you’re not the type, hold off on drinking, realize that the stupid act or poor decision can cost you a lot. It’s better to be lonely for the night than cause yourself and the girl problems. So don’t let your buddies do anything stupid.
Girls, realize that those nice guys are still guys. So do your best to keep yourself out of those situations by not drinking too much by yourself, not walking late at night without escort and surround yourself with good girlfriends who will look out for you.

There was one guy at our fraternity who spent a night with a girl after both of them got drunk. Maybe he thought that she flirted with him, maybe she did. But she woke up feeling violated. It is a grey area, but it was his fault for following her when they are drunk.His friends also should have stopped him. It was a huge deal because he nearly got arrested and who knows, maybe he should have. It is such a big deal because women have a lot to loose. Besides the STDs they can get pregnant. And pregnancy whether she keeps the child or doesn’t, is a big deal on the body and on her psychology. Every year smart, capable women drop out of college with heavy psychological issues after date rape.

The guys are drunk and don’t expect it is a problem and can have psychological effects of guilt and shame afterwards too not to mention legal and social repercussions.


In conclusion, my relationship in college ended because we took too much time in between seeing each other, we got in a relationship too early without experiencing our desires and we didn’t have an end date on when I would move in with her. That was my relationship, but I’m sure yours will go much better.