“Nothing is as rewarding and beneficial as love, nothing is as destructive either.”
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Benefits!
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Stability
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The sure thing
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The negatives
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The loss of single hood
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Attachment
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Time commitments
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Drama
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Moving-in together
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Long Distance relationships
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Dating around
My first girlfriend walked through the door of a study room at the dorms and I had that sensation where you stop breathing. I remembered this girl because she had passed me by a week before and I felt the same. That night, we spent the entire night talking and the next five years dating. A long distance relationship lead to a breakup that we just couldn’t manage to make earlier. Today she is married and we are still friends.
So what can I recommend from my experience? I can say that it depends on where you live. In San Diego and other big cities, it is becoming more and more difficult to have a relationship in high school or college that lasts. There is simply too much life to experience and too many people to meet that makes it nearly impossible for some people to prevent themselves from experiencing. At schools and in small college towns it is a lot easier. For instance at Purdue University, my friend in her mid twenties found it extremely difficult to find potential suitors as most grad students were already married. While in San Diego, there was no shortage of willing partners. So let’s go over why should you date, why shouldn’t you date, how to survive dating and should you (and you should) take the plunge.
Why date?
Why date?
If you are serious about studying and doing well in college, few people realize because it is counter-intuitive is that a stable relationship can help. A stable relationships even with its ups and downs, keeps you from going out too often, gives you a place to go to and provides a friend that’s always there. When you have college relationships you experiment with rules and some try not having any. A relationship without rules however, can be a disaster. Even such a simple rule on who you can and can’t see, because that slut across the hall has her eyes on you, a good girlfriend will find a way to keep the threats out of a relationship. There are other more mundane rules like not letting stress of exams get to each other because that is the prime time for fights to occur. Holding out on those until the end of exams is a great rule.
Cons
The negatives for some are of course not sleeping around, experimenting and going out and partying with friends as much. So get it out of your system before the relationships and don’t forget, there’s always grad school.
Virginity
A lot of people who go to college, were late bloomers and probably never had sex or even had time for sex in High School. So your first time will probably be in college. I’d say it can be a horrible or a good experience. In the end, I don’t think most people dwell on it too much unless it was horrible. So pick wisely, be in a good situation where you are in control and don’t freak out. There will be liquids and smells that you’ve never seen or smelled. So do some research before hand. Talk it all out with your partner. Talking is hard in college but you’re a mature young man/woman so I have faith in you that you will make it a good time. Also, I recommend reading the Kama Sutra, the original not the semi-porn with pictures you find at the bookstore. It is a two thousand-year-old ultimate guide to relationships and sex and will make a pro out of anyone.
Living Together
Sometimes, it makes financial sense to move in together. I’m not a big advocate of this as most relationships break up after this. Because unless two people are in a mature and committed (meaning ready to marry) kind of relationships, it is a certain way to end what could be a promising young love or a way to keep going something that should have been over a long time ago. People who live together, often let each other slide on things that they otherwise wouldn’t let slide and that creates problems in the end. Imagine, you live together but you figure it’s not forever so you are ok with them not picking stuff up or leaving things out. But then you get married and now you start voicing your opinion and the other person is thinking: “What the hell, this used to be fine before marriage.” And so now, the marriage gets blamed, more stress occurs and eventually.. divorce.
So when living together, be honest with things that bother you. Split chores evenly. Be responsible financially. It sounds basic but if you can do that, you will be alright.
So when living together, be honest with things that bother you. Split chores evenly. Be responsible financially. It sounds basic but if you can do that, you will be alright.
Long Distance
This, for college kids, often happens but it is almost always a bad thing. Usually you stay together because one person isn’t strong enough to break up with the other. The two end up wanting to date and feel ashamed but while still acknowledging that they love and care for the person far away. They will both have wandering eyes and begin to get suspicious and jealous.
Long distance is reserved for the older like my boss Kevin. He had a long distance, cross-country relationship for six years while he went through grad school and his girlfriend went to business school. Theirs worked, they now live and work together because they were mature and date each other long enough to do so.
Long distance is reserved for the older like my boss Kevin. He had a long distance, cross-country relationship for six years while he went through grad school and his girlfriend went to business school. Theirs worked, they now live and work together because they were mature and date each other long enough to do so.
- So if you’re going to get into this type of relationship, a few things will help you. One thing that can make it easier today is the ability to skype and see each other. So set designated times and make it a date.
- Also seeing each other once every month or two is a must in order to keep the relationship strong.
- Of course, there has to be an end date that the two can look forward to being reunited.
The awesome thing about a long distance relationship is the high you feel when you finally see them. All that repressed energy and affection and then an entire weekend just focused on the two of you is really really great. You get to share a lot and really spend time with each other. When two people in a long distance relationship see each other, they don’t take the time together for granted and really squeeze out every minute. A long term relationship can offer that stability without the fights and can be a great way to grow together but it has to be done right and if you follow the few rules outlined above, you can do it.
Dating around
When dating in college, have fun! But remember one thing, karma is a bitch. Be honest about your intentions when you start. It may be tempting to do things like cheating but don’t allow others to cheat with you.
Rape or sexual assault are a huge problem on campuses for guys and girls. It has to be addressed because with majority of women in college experiencing rape or assault from guys who are drunk or just don’t take time to listen. You never know how someone acts in every situation, which means that dating a so called nice guy, can and sometimes does result in date rape. Because it is usually someone you know and would have never suspected.
As far as guys, even if you think you’d never and that you’re not the type, hold off on drinking, realize that the stupid act or poor decision can cost you a lot. It’s better to be lonely for the night than cause yourself and the girl problems. So don’t let your buddies do anything stupid.
Girls, realize that those nice guys are still guys. So do your best to keep yourself out of those situations by not drinking too much by yourself, not walking late at night without escort and surround yourself with good girlfriends who will look out for you.
There was one guy at our fraternity who spent a night with a girl after both of them got drunk. Maybe he thought that she flirted with him, maybe she did. But she woke up feeling violated. It is a grey area, but it was his fault for following her when they are drunk.His friends also should have stopped him. It was a huge deal because he nearly got arrested and who knows, maybe he should have. It is such a big deal because women have a lot to loose. Besides the STDs they can get pregnant. And pregnancy whether she keeps the child or doesn’t, is a big deal on the body and on her psychology. Every year smart, capable women drop out of college with heavy psychological issues after date rape.
The guys are drunk and don’t expect it is a problem and can have psychological effects of guilt and shame afterwards too not to mention legal and social repercussions.
In conclusion, my relationship in college ended because we took too much time in between seeing each other, we got in a relationship too early without experiencing our desires and we didn’t have an end date on when I would move in with her. That was my relationship, but I’m sure yours will go much better.
seven year degree 