Month: March 2014

Even in high school, my family essentially left me alone. They paid the tuition without too much hassling even when I failed or took classes again. They helped out with cash when I was a little short and even didn’t ask for the money back when I pocketed a quarter’s worth of tuition when I took two quarters off school. They rarely visited me and just asked me to visit.

This maybe the way it goes for most people although rare occurences of disagreement can overshadow even the least difficult parent-child relationships.

It’s a hard balance, from one perspective, you are now free and mom and dad have a hard time facing that and at the same time you’re not, because maybe they are paying for your school and your living expenses. They have to let you go and make mistakes but at the same time, they don’t want to see you make mistakes that could cost you your life.

UCSD campus was built on cliffs. We would often go down these cliffs for some awesome surf. One kid, Gilbert, decided to climb the cliffs. They were soft sandstone and often crumbled and fell. He was from Nor Cal, not used to the soft spongy clay and as he climbed, a piece fell off and Gilbert fell to his death. Here’s a case of a kid out on his own, away from the parents, a sweet and smart kid and one stupid move and he’s dead… His parents will never see him, he will never get a diploma or travel the world..

This fear is why some parents would go crazy trying to protect their kids. One friend in college would find her mom at her dorm once a week, bringing her food but really checking up on her. It drove her crazy, but in someways, this checking up kept her on track and out of trouble.

It’s a fine line and that line is best kept through communication. You calling your parents and talking to them will make them a lot more relaxed about you and that will in turn give you peace and let you have the freedom to do your best. When you stop talking to them, they will probably wonder what’s going on, start calling and maybe visit you, and that will probably keep you out of trouble and on a good path to graduate and do well in life.

There are so many distractions in college, parents can become one of them or be a great tool to keep you on track, as well as a great source of funds if you are so lucky.

I would often go see my parents on the weekends when I moved out, the talks and questions were tough when I wasn’t doing well, they frankly pissed me off. But that in the end helped me do better because when I wasn’t accountable to myself, I was at least accountable to their annoying questions.

Be thankful for the love and if you don’t have it.. then find it in yourself to help your friends and create a family for yourself in college. There are lots of kids like you, without support, without help, so help each other out, watch out for each other and be a family.. Because you will soon find out, that in the end, we do nothing for ourselves and everything for people around us.