Who you live with and where you live will determine your success.
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The Fun
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Conflict Resolution
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Cleanliness
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Respect
Philip Andrew Sidney Bliss: “At one point I spent all of my money on beer, and just ate junk food occasionally. After a few weeks, I noticed my gums bleeding and some cuts I had were not healing. I gave myself scurvy!”
There were several choices facing me when I was submitting my college housing form in May of High School senior year: live in dorms on campus, live off campus with other students or stay at home. My parents lied to me saying they would get me my own place so I chose home. Although it was a lot cheaper than moving out, I don’t know if that was the best choice. At home I didn’t worry about money as much but because I did not live close enough to the school, I was at a severe disadvantage; especially because I had early morning classes, had to drive through traffic and I was not especially disciplined.
My first year was spent getting to the bus station early morning and then taking about an hour to get to my 8am class to fall asleep promptly as I sat down in class. This was a very poor return on investment as saving money on living expenses and then getting C’s in classes is a net looser.
My best semesters as far as grades were when I was living with my girlfriend ten minutes from school by bike. It was great except when the relation ship hit rough patches, my schoolwork suffered as well. Fights untill four am can really eat into study time. So with careful planning, these hick-ups can be easily avoided.
Conflicts and Conflict Resolution:
I had a lot of roommates over the years and eventually, there was almost always some kind of conflict. Not serious, but enough to where they negatively impacted the relationship flow. To keep from problems sneaking up on you and make sure first that you can get along, spend at least a few hours a week bonding with each other. Doing that will ensure that you hash out problems before they get out of hand. Like with any relationship; it’s all about the communication.
However, if there is a problem, follow these three steps:
- Smile.
- Tell your roommate that you like them and are not trying to do harm.
- Ask how the issues can be resolved.
This happened to me when I was living with a couple of Korean guys near campus. One of them flipped out because I was living in the living room at the time and blocked off the whole room to myself without asking when my girlfriend was visiting me. I know it was disrespectful on my part, but totally fixable. He just needed to talk to me but didn’t. We resolved things amicably later because I followed the steps I outlined above.
Two of the biggest issues that creep in between roommates is laziness and girlfriends. Don’t let your or your roommates’ girlfriends change the dynamic. It will throw everyone off, so make sure to keep your time split between her and your place and communicate with your roomies. Living problems can spill into your love life and then you will have to deal with triple stress as your schoolwork will start to suffer as well.
Relationships with roommates, friends and girlfriends are all founded on the same principles and all of them can go smoother with empathy. So try to walk in their shoes and do unto them as they would onto you. Even if you have tests and stress, do your best to be compassionate so that they understand that you understand why they do what they do and they will be more likely to help you ie. not play loud music while you are studying, or putting a towel under the door while they are having sex.
Big No Nos:
- Never sleep with your roommates boy/girlfriend. Unless he/she asks you to join.
If you’re going to have a party, I recommend that you invite only friends and hide the important stuff behind lock and key. This will save you the anguish of someone stealing your old iMac with all of your art projects on it as happened to my friend Julie. However, if that happens to you, get over it; if you’re not Picasso, your art projects are crap anyway and if you are, then you probably were more careful about storing your important work than leaving it on an old computer in a garage during a rager.
Beer and Food:
If you eat it, replace it! And not with the lesser quality crap and not with less quantity. Ie, replace organic with organic food and a twelve-pack with a twelve-pack, not a couple of left over cans. In fact, if you plan to be lazy and eat your roommates food, replace it with more than you ate so as to not make them resent even buying food because they know that they will have to buy it again just to have you eat it again. Because when your food is eaten, it always seem like more was taken than there really was. It’s our nature to lament the lost so be considerate and return laziness with quantity plus interest.
Here are some basic Roommate Rules, feel free to copy this page and place it on your refrigerator:
House Rules:
- Be considerate
- Be Clean
- Don’t be anal/OCD
- Put a towel under the door if you have “someone” over.
- Replace food with more than you took.
- Do bills together.
- Do not sleep with the partner of a roommate. (Unless asked to join)
- Do not use their stuff if you tend to break stuff.
- If you break it, replace it.
- Watch out for each-other.
- See each other once a day
- Hang out once a week.
If you are living with a boy/girl friend same rules as above except:
- Don’t cheat
- Don’t live together, (it’s not worth it and it usually doesn’t work out.)
- Don’t be a little bitch: do everything they ask and then resent it.
- Chill out if you’re angry (it’s probably not worth getting too angry over anyway.)
- Do not keep things bottled-up inside either, (that’s probably why you’re yelling at eachother now)
- If you’re paying for everything, something’s wrong, don’t be an idiot.
These rules might seem self explanatory but trust me, even the best of us have difficulties once we stop using our brains and anyone who has ever dated or had a big fight with a roommate knows exactly what you’re arguing.
Finally, if you do decide to live at home, good luck getting a date although if your mom cooks, you may be able to get her or him enticed with a home cooked meal.
Finally, if you do decide to live at home, good luck getting a date although if your mom cooks, you may be able to get her or him enticed with a home cooked meal.
In the end, if you’re fun, respectful and clean and ask for the same in a respectful way and find those that can live with and ask for the same within reason, living with others should not be a problem and in fact will leave you with lifelong friends and memories.
seven year degree 