Month: October 2013

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Chapter 7 Classes

“Work four years, coast forty.”   -Mr. Carnevale


    1. Registering
    2. Which times are good
    3. Which classes are good
    4. How important are they


Remember the movie Clerks? If not, let me just tell you about the part where a guidance councilor is trying to find the perfect set of eggs. He is crouching on the floor and he puts the eggs through a set of ridiculous tests to find the perfect egg as shoppers look at him and wondering why he’s doing this. One of the characters by the name of Randall says that if your job was as pointless as his, wouldn’t you go nuts as well? 
This should be a guideline for you in terms of deciding which classes to take. After listening to councillors and realizing that their advice was always wrong, I decided to never let anyone anyone decide for me which classes to take. A lot of students including myself would take on a massive load of classes only to fail or drop most of them because councillors didn’t say no. Or would take the wrong classes or the wrong major. Listen to yourself and believe in yourself. Take a few classes and if you do well, then challenge yourself and take more. College is much tougher than High School so don’t go balls out until you are ready.

  1. Classes
    1. How important are they
“Can you put up the circuit for an inverting amplifier and write out the equation for us please.” asked the manager. There were three other engineers in the room. They were firing off questions one by one with various tasks for me to complete.
If you put something on your resume, be ready to defend that you actually took that course and learned something. This is why you should take your courses seriously and if you don’t then you are in the wrong place because you are wasting your time, your money and your life.
All classes are useful and the only people that say that they never use their classes are C students and teachers (sorry teachers). Those who say that, are those who don’t use the classes because they never learned anything when taking them. All classes I did well in, I use if not on a daily basis then very often. Because every time I watch TV, read news, read books, go to work, I use Humanities, English, Math, Sociology and I use them in general conversations to understand people who are different from me. If you never took Art or Acting, how do you expect to connect to an actor or an artist? You can’t and if you can’t connect to people around you then you will not have a fulfilling life and you will not do as well in life because it’s true, it’s not what you know but who you know but to get to know people, you have to know a lot about everything.


Better grades also means perks: like options! When you finish high school, you want options. That’s why you work hard to have more colleges as options. When you finish high school, it’s not the end, it’s the beginning because you’re out of your parents’ house and now you’re free and now you need options more than ever. So if you want to pursue a good job or an additional degree, you want to be able to apply to as many places as possible. For that, you need to know a lot and get good grades! Because it ultimately matter if you want to get into good schools which will give you the most options in life.
Good grades also get you money. Not only can good grades get you a scholarship, but they can also get you a better paying job. Think, a few years of hard work can allow you to later party your head off, buy a nice car and travel all you want without loans or worries about money. Imagine all that time you can spend studying instead of working to get better grades and get paid better than all those other students who sacrifice study time to work at the cafeteria.
Also, those who have better grades get front of the line privileges when registering so you’re not stressing out about your schedule and graduating faster. You can be in control of when to wake up, when to study, when to work and keep doing better in school.  For instance, everyone I knew who had 8am classes especially out of those who commuted, had difficulty making good grades in those classes. Imagine avoiding having to take those classes in the first place because you get preferential registration?


Which classes are good? 
Well that depends on the professor. At UCSD we had C.A.P.E. Reviews but after I graduated we had websites as well which you could find useful information about professors. I would generally trust the A students more than C. C students hate most professors and blame everyone but themselves. So ask around and the best students will point you to the best professors and best classes.


Difficulty rating.
Classes are like video games, you set the difficulty rating too high and you’re not going to pass the level, set it too low and it’s a cake walk without learning. Either way not fun. Forget about other students and parent’s pride. Make sure you do well and make sure it is challenging. If it’s not challenging, make it challenging by asking Professor for more problems or harder problems. Don’t be a looser; learn something! And do your best to find a way to see how the class will be useful. If you hate what you’re studying, you will not learn well, you will not work well, and you will quit. So get the worried voice of parents out of your head and study that which you could study even if you weren’t paying for it. If you learn what you love, you will be good at it. Last thing we need is more mediocre people.

I remember there were classes which were required, and I struggled and that’s OK, some classes are required but I liked learning those subjects anyway. I knew probability would come in handy even though I just didn’t seem to get it. I knew Quantum Mechanics was necessary even if I found it incomprehensible but it was a must. But when I went through my classes in Optics, I coasted because I was like a sponge, absorbing everything I could get my hands on. That’s what you want and if that’s not happening in your chosen subject/major, then for God’s sake! Get OUT!!!!
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Chapter 5 Sports

They walked down library walk in bright jerseys, with numbered sports bags, with jugs of water to hydrate and in peak athletic condition. At the same time, I seemed to get skinnier and nerdier and further away from their bronzed and toned bodies every day. The seemed popular and good at school and I felt a world away. What’s funny is that I was them just the year before.

 In high school everyone was involved in some sport and my wrestling coach planed on taping my matches for Cal Poly and UC Davis. His dreams and my parents’ nightmare came to an end when I was tackled by our 189 pounder and cracked my collar bone in two places. That season was over and next year I was splitting time between Academic Decathlon nerdom where our physical activity consisted of racing a stuffed sheep and hacky sack and wrestling for the team a couple times per week. In High School I was with the in crowd but in college, the thought of doing sports did not cross my mind. I was stuck in the mentality that college is for studying and only near Olympic level athletes do sports in college. I learned my lesson by senior year. I picked up Judo and then wrestling again, mostly to get in shape for studying. But I got quiet good at both as a result.

 You see, physical activity promotes fitness and blood flow. Blood flow allows more oxygen to reach the brain which helps think better. At the same time, fitness allows one to have the stamina to work longer. Sports create discipline and time management. With a full season and workouts, most athletes find themselves completing assignments in a more efficient fashion than those who have all the time in the world and don’t have the discipline to sit there and work on the problem until they get it right as they would on the mat or a the track field.

   I missed wrestling and I stepped on the mat in my senior year and was hooked all over again. The wrestling team is always a bunch of crazy rejects. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the close contact, maybe it’s the gay jokes making light of the close contact, or maybe we are just a few neurons short of realizing that we are fighting for no reason. Whatever the reason, wrestlers have been known to be an odd bunch. But once you find you are good at something, you realize that you are stuck with it and for better or worse, you keep doing it, keep teaching it and you end up living it.

   The UCSD wrestling club was actually almost shut down. No it was shut down. I started a facebook page to bring it back and a guy by the name of Paul Montanez out of the blue contacted me about taking over the page and starting the club. I thought I’d let him, but soon I was running the club and he was gone. It was nice to give 8-10 guys on campus have a place to work out every once in a while, teach them my skills and most of all, I needed other people to work out with. UCSD is not a big wrestling school is a major understatement. UCSD football team is undefeated is a T-shirt proudly worn by many because the school has no football team. Our male sports are a joke while women’s sports are ok. It was an easy transition for me as it was essentially how my high school was. This actually was great because almost anyone could get on a team, and if you couldn’t, there were a plethora of clubs. Some were good like the squids or ultimate frisby A team. Some were not so good but great party and social clubs, like Rugby, BOARD, Surf and the squid B team. There were some clubs that were on par with our actual sports teams like the Volleyball club and some clubs which actually created Olympians like our ping pong, sorry, table tennis team

And there were the bizzare like the inner tube water polo. Probably my biggest regret was not doing that one. It was co-ed, it was in the pool, you just need a keg in one of the tubes and you’re set.

I made a lot of friends as a result of running wrestling club and I others on the team did as well. You could always rely on the surf team to throw a good party. The friends were often made on the long trips to the competitions. A year after graduating, as a coach, I went with three other wrestlers to Lakeland  Florida. We stayed at a motel that was constructed around a bar. The bar was owned by a large black man with a sense of humor and he employed a tiny, girl with a loud southern accent. There were nothing but guys visiting this bar. Often laborers like those working on a railroad. There would be all sorts of mayhem. Locking of each other in bathrooms, throwing people into the pool, ice baths on customers and bar owners.

I was taking a video of a massive ice fight. Ice pitchers being poured on the girl, then she would get the pitcher and give it to someone and that person would pour it on someone else and then someone else would get a pitcher from her and pour it on the owner. At the end everyone was soaked but me. The owner looked at me and asked: “Why ain’t you wet?”  
“I’m observing” I said.
“We don’t like observers here” And he poured a pitcher of ice and water all over me.

I walked into the room at two am, drenched, cold and happy. We barely made it to the tournament the next day on time. The guys had a great time, we laughed non stop. We maybe should have competed better but the memories of that trip were better than medals.

That’s what sports are: comradery and physical fitness and that will allow you to succeed in class and maybe a chance to meet girls and have other kids in class envy you, your girls and your grades.
boyfriend, college, girlfriend, relationship

Chapter 4: THE GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND


“Nothing is as rewarding and beneficial as love, nothing is as destructive either.”



    1. Benefits!
      1. Stability
      2. The sure thing
    2. The negatives
      1. The loss of single hood
      2. Attachment
      3. Time commitments
      4. Drama
    3. Moving-in together
    4. Long Distance relationships
    5. Dating around



My first girlfriend walked through the door of a study room at the dorms and I had that sensation where you stop breathing. I remembered this girl because she had passed me by a week before and I felt the same. That night, we spent the entire night talking and the next five years dating. A long distance relationship lead to a breakup that we just couldn’t manage to make earlier. Today she is married and we are still friends.

So what can I recommend from my experience? I can say that it depends on where you live. In San Diego and other big cities, it is becoming more and more difficult to have a relationship in high school or college that lasts. There is simply too much life to experience and too many people to meet that makes it nearly impossible for some people to prevent themselves from experiencing. At schools and in small college towns it is a lot easier. For instance at Purdue University, my friend in her mid twenties found it extremely difficult to find potential suitors as most grad students were already married. While in San Diego, there was no shortage of willing partners. So let’s go over why should you date, why shouldn’t you date, how to survive dating and should you (and you should) take the plunge.


Why date?

If you are serious about studying and doing well in college, few people realize because it is counter-intuitive is that a stable relationship can help. A stable relationships even with its ups and downs, keeps you from going out too often, gives you a place to go to and provides a friend that’s always there. When you have college relationships you experiment with rules and some try not having any. A relationship without rules however, can be a disaster. Even such a simple rule on who you can and can’t see, because that slut across the hall has her eyes on you, a good girlfriend will find a way to keep the threats out of a relationship. There are other more mundane rules like not letting stress of exams get to each other because that is the prime time for fights to occur. Holding out on those until the end of exams is a great rule.

Cons

The negatives for some are of course not sleeping around, experimenting and going out and partying with friends as much. So get it out of your system before the relationships and don’t forget, there’s always grad school.



Virginity
A lot of people who go to college, were late bloomers and probably never had sex or even had time for sex in High School. So your first time will probably be in college. I’d say it can be a horrible or a good experience. In the end, I don’t think most people dwell on it too much unless it was horrible. So pick wisely, be in a good situation where you are in control and don’t freak out. There will be liquids and smells that you’ve never seen or smelled. So do some research before hand. Talk it all out with your partner. Talking is hard in college but you’re a mature young man/woman so I have faith in you that you will make it a good time. Also, I recommend reading the Kama Sutra, the original not the semi-porn with pictures you find at the bookstore. It is a two thousand-year-old ultimate guide to relationships and sex and will make a pro out of anyone.

Living Together

Sometimes, it makes financial sense to move in together. I’m not a big advocate of this as most relationships break up after this. Because unless two people are in a mature and committed (meaning ready to marry) kind of relationships, it is a certain way to end what could be a promising young love or a way to keep going something that should have been over a long time ago. People who live together, often let each other slide on things that they otherwise wouldn’t let slide and that creates problems in the end. Imagine, you live together but you figure it’s not forever so you are ok with them not picking stuff up or leaving things out. But then you get married and now you start voicing your opinion and the other person is thinking: “What the hell, this used to be fine before marriage.” And so now, the marriage gets blamed, more stress occurs and eventually.. divorce.
So when living together, be honest with things that bother you. Split chores evenly. Be responsible financially. It sounds basic but if you can do that, you will be alright.


Long Distance
This, for college kids, often happens but it is almost always a bad thing. Usually you stay together because one person isn’t strong enough to break up with the other. The two end up wanting to date and feel ashamed but while still acknowledging that they love and care for the person far away. They will both have wandering eyes and begin to get suspicious and jealous.  
Long distance is reserved for the older like my boss Kevin. He had a long distance, cross-country relationship for six years while he went through grad school and his girlfriend went to business school. Theirs worked, they now live and work together because they were mature and date each other long enough to do so. 

  • So if you’re going to get into this type of relationship, a few things will help you. One thing that can make it easier today is the ability to skype and see each other. So set designated times and make it a date. 
  • Also seeing each other once every month or two is a must in order to keep the relationship strong. 
  • Of course, there has to be an end date that the two can look forward to being reunited. 

 

The awesome thing about a long distance relationship is the high you feel when you finally see them. All that repressed energy and affection and then an entire weekend just focused on the two of you is really really great. You get to share a lot and really spend time with each other. When two people in a long distance relationship see each other, they don’t take the time together for granted and really squeeze out every minute. A long term relationship can offer that stability without the fights and can be a great way to grow together but it has to be done right and if you follow the few rules outlined above, you can do it.


Dating around
 When dating in college, have fun! But remember one thing, karma is a bitch. Be honest about your intentions when you start. It may be tempting to do things like cheating but don’t allow others to cheat with you. 

Rape or sexual assault are a huge problem on campuses for guys and girls. It has to be addressed because with majority of women in college experiencing rape or assault from guys who are drunk or just don’t take time to listen. You never know how someone acts in every situation, which means that dating a so called nice guy, can and sometimes does result in date rape. Because it is usually someone you know and would have never suspected. 

As far as guys, even if you think you’d never and that you’re not the type, hold off on drinking, realize that the stupid act or poor decision can cost you a lot. It’s better to be lonely for the night than cause yourself and the girl problems. So don’t let your buddies do anything stupid.
Girls, realize that those nice guys are still guys. So do your best to keep yourself out of those situations by not drinking too much by yourself, not walking late at night without escort and surround yourself with good girlfriends who will look out for you.

There was one guy at our fraternity who spent a night with a girl after both of them got drunk. Maybe he thought that she flirted with him, maybe she did. But she woke up feeling violated. It is a grey area, but it was his fault for following her when they are drunk.His friends also should have stopped him. It was a huge deal because he nearly got arrested and who knows, maybe he should have. It is such a big deal because women have a lot to loose. Besides the STDs they can get pregnant. And pregnancy whether she keeps the child or doesn’t, is a big deal on the body and on her psychology. Every year smart, capable women drop out of college with heavy psychological issues after date rape.

The guys are drunk and don’t expect it is a problem and can have psychological effects of guilt and shame afterwards too not to mention legal and social repercussions.


In conclusion, my relationship in college ended because we took too much time in between seeing each other, we got in a relationship too early without experiencing our desires and we didn’t have an end date on when I would move in with her. That was my relationship, but I’m sure yours will go much better.